What are Jane Austen's Conditions for Friendship?

Part two of a four-part series on Jane Austen, virtue, and friendship

This is part two of my four part series on Jane Austen, virtue, and friendship. Part One, which introduces the series, can be found here.

The Conditions for Friendship 

Jane Austen thought that in order for charity to exist between two people, there must be a dynamic of mutual building up toward virtue. This necessitates them speaking the truth to one another in love, which in turn requires both parties to see each other truly. If you can’t see the truth, you can’t speak the truth. As the novel begins, we learn that Emma lacks true charity toward those around her, that no one can see her as she is or speak truth to her, and she is therefore surrounded by flatterers instead of true friends.

Despite having everything—status, wealth, beauty, access to education—Emma is intellectually and morally lonely. Their little village of Highbury “…afforded her no equals. The Woodhouses were first in consequence there. All looked up to them.” As the great lady of Highbury, everyone defers to Emma and flatters her. Virtually no one is in a position to sharpen her or rebuke her, whether from fear, flattery, or simply because they lack the requisite understanding. Emma doesn’t particularly want to be challenged, but without realizing it, her unique situation has left her lonely and isolated.

The real evils indeed of Emma’s situation were the power of having rather too much her own way, and a disposition to think a little too well of herself; these were the disadvantages which threatened alloy to her many enjoyments. The danger, however, was at present so unperceived, that they did not by any means rank as misfortunes with her. (Emma, I.1)

At the beginning of the story, Miss Taylor, Emma’s beloved governess, is leaving Emma to marry Mr. Weston. Up until now, she has been Emma’s primary friend and companion. However despite the great affection between the two women, Miss Taylor had never been able to stand up to Emma’s strong will, correct Emma, or even see any faults in her. 

Between them it was more the intimacy of sisters. Even before Miss Taylor had ceased to hold the nominal office of governess, the mildness of her temper had hardly allowed her to impose any restraint; and the shadow of authority being now long passed away, they had been living together as friend and friend very mutually attached, and Emma doing just what she liked; highly esteeming Miss Taylor’s judgment, but directed chiefly by her own. (Emma, I.1)

Without Miss Taylor, Emma “... was now in great danger of suffering from intellectual solitude. She dearly loved her father, but he was no companion for her. He could not meet her in conversation, rational or playful.” (Emma, I.1) Playful conversation is important for Austen in general, a kind of signal that two characters are equally matched and therefore suitable for each other either for either friendship or romance (or both).

Emma has done everything she can do for Miss Taylor by encouraging the match with Mr. Weston. Now that she can do nothing more for Miss Taylor, Emma needs a new friend, and she attempts to fill this vacuum with Harriet Smith, a sweet, poor, pretty, low-status boarder from the local young ladies’ school. Despite having some instinct that charity is essential for friendship, and that charity involves doing one another good, Emma has a misplaced sense for what this looks like practically. 

Early in their friendship Emma considers what good Harriet might do for her: “As a walking companion, Emma had very early foreseen how useful she might find her…She had ventured once alone to Randalls, but it was not pleasant; and a Harriet Smith, therefore, one whom she could summon at any time to a walk, would be a valuable addition to her privileges.” The “good” that Harriet can do Emma is to be at Emma’s beck and call. Emma knows that Harriet cannot replace Miss Taylor as an intellectual equal. She sees that her friendship with Miss Smith is a very different sort of friendship. “Harriet would be loved as one to whom she could be useful.” (Emma, I.4)

But Harriet is not a suitable friend for Emma, as Mr. Knightley perceives immediately, and as Emma will discover by the end of the novel. 

“Harriet certainly was not clever, but she had a sweet, docile, grateful disposition; was totally free from conceit; and only desiring to be guided by any one she looked up to.” In Harriet, Emma saw a potential project that would entertain her in the absence of any other friends. “She would notice her; she would improve her; she would detach her from bad acquaintance, and introduce her into good society; she would form her opinions and manners. It would be an interesting, and certainly a very kind undertaking.” (Emma, I.3)

The reality is that Harriet Smith is a plaything for Emma, not a true friend. “Altogether she was quite convinced of Harriet Smith’s being exactly the young friend she wanted—exactly the something which her home required.”  ((Emma, I.4). To state the obvious, “A something” cannot ever be a friend. 

Unsurprisingly, Mr. Knightley is not impressed with Emma’s “friendship” with Harriet. He sees that Harriet Smith cannot be Emma’s true friend. There is no way for Harriet to do Emma good because she has nothing to offer Emma—no intellectual stimulation, no insight, no moral sharpening, no speaking the truth in love. Mr. Knightley says, “Where Miss Taylor failed to stimulate, I may safely affirm that Harriet Smith will do nothing.” (Emma, I.5)

And although Emma is in a position to do Harriet good, Mr. Knightley is not convinced that she will because, despite having warm feelings toward Harriet, she doesn’t see Harriet as she actually is. Emma is charmed by Harriet’s beauty and sweetness: “...those soft blue eyes and natural graces should not be wasted on the inferior society of Highbury and its connections.” (Emma, I.3) But when Emma is called upon to do a portrait of Harriet, Mr. Knightley points out that Emma has made her too tall. Emma sees what she wants to see. She wants to raise Harriet up to her status, but this simply isn’t possible and it ought not to have been tried. The kindest thing Emma could have done for Harriet is to recognize that Harriet has all she needs in the circle in which she has been placed. Harriet is socially vulnerable, but has a lower-class support network of friends, and even an offer of marriage from a very respectable farmer. By giving Harriet imaginations beyond her station, Emma is actually making Harriet more vulnerable. Her lack of charity has real world, potentially catastrophic consequences. Because of Emma’s blindness toward Harriet, she cannot speak the truth to her, or do her any good. 

Mr. Knightley confides in Mrs. Weston (Emma’s former governess), “I think they will neither of them do the other any good.” For Mr. Knightly, a friendship marked by charity must result in both parties doing the other good. The kind of “good” Harriet does Emma is to be a walking companion, flatterer, and a plaything for Emma. And the kind of “good” Emma does to Harriet is officious meddling of the sort that, if it had not been eventually reversed, would have caused Harriet real lasting harm.  

In Miniatures and Morals, Peter Leithart says, 

When Knightley objects after Emma has broken up the relationship of Harriet and Robert Martin and claims that Emma is damaging Harriet by filling her with false hopes, Emma responds by saying a farmer is not good enough for “my intimate friend”, as if merely being a friend of Emma raised her social standing. Because her imagination is unchecked by reality, because she is perfectly sure of her opinions, she never sees Harriet for what she is…She cannot serve as a moral guide for Harriet because she never acknowledges that Harriet has a moral sense or moral character of her own. Harriet is just an object, a living doll for a bored, lively young woman. (Miniatures and Morals, 151)

Although there was not a large population of young ladies in Highbury, at least one young woman was a good candidate to be Emma’s friend. Jane Fairfax, although she was a socially vulnerable orphan, had all the qualities Emma needed in a friend. She had as good an education as Emma, equally good manners, character, and social grace. Miss Fairfax was the friend Emma should have pursued rather than Harriet. 

But there is one great hindrance to Emma befriending Jane Fairfax: Emma is envious and intimidated by Miss Fairfax’s level of accomplishment. Emma ignores Miss Fairfax, and even spins elaborate and scandalous stories about her to excuse her from making her a friend. But the truth is that Miss Fairfax makes it impossible for Emma to ignore how lax she had been in cultivating her own skills, and by way of analogy, her own virtue (more on that in a moment).

Instead, Jane Fairfax was “taken on” by Mrs. Elton, the officious, meddling, ill-bred new wife of the village Vicar. When Emma wonders why Jane tolerates the intolerable arrogance and bossiness of Mrs. Elton, Mr. Knightly says, “Miss Fairfax is as capable as any of us of forming a just opinion of Mrs. Elton. Could she have chosen with whom to associate, she would not have chosen her. But (with a reproachful smile at Emma) she receives attentions from Mrs. Elton, which nobody else pays her.” (Emma, II.15) Emma receives the rebuke: she has failed to be Jane Fairfax’s friend. 

So we have seen that charity requires would-be friends to see each other in truth so they can speak truth to one another. But how does one cultivate the virtue of charity in the first place?